I often get asked why I became a funeral celebrant, do I like my work, does it not depress me?

Now of course these are all questions I am happy to answer and there's definitely another blog post calling me to answer these questions.

Today however, I'm wanting to discuss what exactly my role as a funeral celebrant is. 

There are still quite a few people who, when they hear me say that I'm a funeral celebrant, respond with "a what?". 

I can't begin to tell you the number of people who have called me a "celibate" and don't get me started on the fact that every website that requires your occupation, including insurance search engines, do not even recognise our role as an occupation worth listing! 

I often get told to "just select minister", "try putting registrar", "how about public speaker?".

The truth is none of those titles come close to the work we do and what we offer our local community.

So... let me explain... in my words, what my role as a funeral celebrant is.

I work closely with local funeral directors. There is of course an option for families to contact me directly, some do, especially if they have already worked with me, but most don't. 

However I am put in touch with a family my role begins from that point. I always make initial contact with my families, if they have been referred to me, by an introduction to who I am, a text or whatspp message (so they have my number) offering my condolences and the opportunity for them to choose when I contact them. This is something I feel very strongly about. 

Who, when deep in grief and just getting through the practicalities of each day as best they can, wants to receive a unexpected call from me, regarding their loved ones funeral, when they are packing their shopping up at the Tesco checkout, or dropping their children off at school?

Next step is for me to have a short chat on the phone with the family member in charge of the funeral preparations. I answer any initial questions they may have, I explain my role (maybe I won't need to once this blog post is published) and I arrange a time to meet them in person and this is where my support begins in full.

My job is to;

• make the family feel comfortable in my presence and to create a safe space for them to share their thoughts, feelings and ideas for their loved ones ceremony.
• keep an open mind and fully listen to them.
• offer guidance and reassurance, supporting them from the first meeting, right through to the service itself. Some of us often stay in touch for a while afterwards if the family would like to.
• ensure families are aware of what options are available for them and that what is perhaps traditional, or the norm, is not what they have to have.
• help with music and poetry suggestions if the family need guidance.
• Ensure that the service itself stays within the time constraints of the venue chosen, without rushing. If I feel longer is needed I will let the family know and liaise with the funeral director to see if it's a possibility.
• Capture the true essence of the person that has died. It is the biggest compliment when those attending the funeral ask me how I knew the deceased. It means I did my job well!
• help with the creation of the order of service if required
• assist families with any media requirements, music, slideshows etc. and liaise with the venue regarding these on the day.
• Liaise with the funeral arrangers and directors throughout.

Then there's what my personal role also includes. Not every celebrant may do this but here's what I do and what I feel is important. 

I also,

• Write a bespoke script for each of my families. I do not have templates that I slot personal eulogies in to. I write a full script which is personal to the deceased. A script that is woven with the deceased's personality, values and life story.
• I liaise with everyone necessary, with the families consent, to ensure the whole of the person's life is reflected in the ceremony. This may include speaking to friends, colleagues, members from a club the deceased was a member of, and so on.
• respect and incorporate the beliefs of the deceased or their family. This is where a celebrant really is special (again, there is a whole other blog post needed to discuss this).
• Suggest personal, symbolic elements for the service, this may be incorporating some of the deceased's favourite items,  singing one of their favourite songs, using their favourite song lyrics in the committal wording, lighting candles, spraying perfume, having a toast... the list is endless!
• Ensure the ceremonies I deliver are as inclusive as possible. 
• supplying the family with a full keepsake script of the service. It's been written personally for them, why would I not share it with them in full? Many families tell me that the ceremony itself goes by in a blur. Having a keepsake script allows them to re-read what was said at a time they feel more able to process it.
• remain at the crematorium or burial ground until the family are ready to leave. I am there for them every minute, along with the funeral director.

Lastly, I am that friendly face in the crowd. Whether at the crematorium on the day or in town a few days, weeks or months later. The relationship I build with my families is a special one, and each time I deliver a ceremony a small place in my heart becomes dedicated to them. It's something that's quite difficult to explain, but my fellow celebrants will likely relate.

What I do is so truly special to me there is no way I can fully explain my role here or the profound impact my work has on me, but I hope that this blog gives you a better insight into my role as a funeral celebrant.

If you like the sound of the way I work then remember where I am. I'd like to say that I hope you never need to work with me but we are of course all human, death is a part of life. Just know that I'm only at the end of the phone if you ever need a supportive, friendly and creative celebrant to help you in your time of grief.

Thank you for reading x