We will all experience grief in our life, yet each of our experiences will be intensely personal. What I have learnt, from my own experience and from others who have shared theirs, is that the journey can be lonely, confusing, and at times, overwhelmingly painful.

Life has a way of changing in the blink of an eye. One moment, everything may seem perfectly

normal, and the next, you find yourself grappling with a sudden loss that shakes your world to its core.

In this weeks blog, I am inviting you to join me as I share a little of my own experience of sudden and unexpected loss and grief.

So, this is a story about one such moment in my life.

As a young child my life was touched by death on occasions, but I was lucky, it didn't visit me in any life altering way. I lost pets, whom I loved with all my heart and were of course big parts of my life as a child. But, with the help of my parents and family pet funerals in our garden, I mourned their loss, making scrap books with their photos and appreciating the time I had with them.

For me, grief shattered my world on a weekend morning, whilst laying in bed, with my young daughter laying next to me. If I'm honest, the moment was so devastating that even now, writing about it is incredibly difficult. My Nan, a lady I had loved and adored all of my life, had died. She and my other Nanny were the matriarchs of our family, and now, one of them had left us, suddenly and unexpectedly and I learnt in an instant that your heart really can feel pain.

I think when our world is turned upside down by the sudden death of a loved one, it's only natural to seek comfort from wherever we can find it. We spoke as a family about how, for my nan, it was quick. A few years before this moment we had mourned the death of my wonderful grandad, Reg, my Dad's, Dad. We were blessed with some time to accept what was to come, to sit and chat to him, to help care for him and to prepare just a little for the loss of someone who was such an important part of our lives, and boy was he a character!

But my Nan, had got up at the start of the day, said good morning to my grandad whom she loved so very much and then she died, from a sudden stroke. Of course, this did bring a tiny amount of comfort to incredibly dark times but our family had changed overnight, all of us had changed and that day has always stayed with me. 

I had learnt how fragile life was, how limited our time with our loved ones was and how, when you love someone so deeply, the grief you feel following their death is just as deep.

I can remember each and every step I took throughout the rest of that day, the music that played on the radio as I drove over to my grandparents house, I still can't listen to it without crying, the pause and deep breath I took before walking into my grandparents house, the look on my grandads face and the very last time I held my Nanny's hand, she was a beautiful woman, and she was still just as beautiful.

Since this day, grief has of course been experienced by me and my loved ones following the loss of other amazing people within our family, I no longer have any of my grandparents in my life in a physical sense, although I know they still visit from time to time. I have also lost a dear, dear friend, a loss I won't be sharing publicly but which shattered my world just as much.

What I've learnt from my own experiences is that memories are important, talking about our loved ones who have died is a very special way of keeping them in our lives. Recognising their birthdays or other milestones, lighting candles, visiting their place of rest, watching old family videos... they are all ways that help me.

I remember my Nanny Rawson teaching me to knit, watching us play in the garden, giving me cuddles on the sofa and making incredible clothes for my dolls and teddies. My grandad Rawson was just as loving. He enjoyed taking us for walks down the green lanes, birdwatching, looking for abandoned nests and he taught us how to grow vegetables. My Nanny conquest taught me to bake, to decorate cakes and she was a very warm, loving and loyal woman who kept our family together. My grandad conquest was the life and soul of the party, even winning the worst singer competition on holiday! He liked a beer and socialising and was chief washer upper for my nan, often calling himself her Cinderella!

If any of you feel that sharing your memories of a loved one that has died would help you ,then please do feel free to use the comments section as a way of remembering them and telling others of your own experience.

I am also, as ever, here for anyone who would like to chat to me and can signpost you to organisations that may help if you are struggling with your own journey through grief.  It's a path we must all walk at our own pace,  but with each step, we carry the love and memories of those we've lost in our hearts.

Thank you for reading

Lyndsey x